life on shuffle

One of my favorite things to do is to put my iPod on "shuffle" and just see what comes up. Some songs are weird; some are embarrassing; some are AWESOME... and some just are what they are. So I'm going to blog about it. The rules: Every time I sit down to write, I'm going to pull out my iPod, push "shuffle" and write about whatever song plays first (*only exception: a previously blogged about song). Maybe it will be a memory associated with that song or something about the lyrics or artist. Or maybe it will just color the topic that I choose to write about. Sometimes serious, sometimes funny, sometimes worthy of mocking. Random. Life. On shuffle.

0 comments text “The Art Of Letting Go” - AJ Cheek

{photo via we heart it}

I just broke my own rules.

This song did not come up when I pushed “shuffle.” But when you don’t post a blog for months, I don’t think the rules apply to your return to the land of the writing. (Besides, if the number of recent plays was a factor in the results of a shuffle, this song would absolutely have started playing.)

So here I am, reuniting with my blog. I’ve missed writing, but I haven’t known how to start back. I think breaking the rules was probably the best answer.

“I’ve been living here for so long // I’m scrapin’ cobwebs off the wall // I think I’m ready for a new song // I’m ready for the weight to fall // This is the art of letting go”

It’s been a weird, unsettling, “Who Moved My Cheese” few months, a phase that I think probably started in September when my roommate of more than three years, (and one of my best friends), accepted a new job that would have her moving to Texas at the end of December. It sounds overdramatic to say it, but losing an amazing long-term roommate, (not to mention the awesome apartment that she got you an incredible deal on), can really throw your little world off its axis.

In the months that followed, there were lots of tearful conversations and avoidance of the inevitable, a weekend first-time trip to Chicago, a birthday spent in the mountains, a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe (which I’m sure will come up more later), at least four different baby showers for at least four different babies (don’t worry, none of them mine), a white Christmas in Knoxville with a sunny New Year’s in Disney World, another goodbye to another migrating friend and a search for a new place to live. Change. And lots of it.

“It’s like I’m changing with the seasons // My leaves of green have turned to brown // But I know there must be a reason // There is so much more than what I’ve found // This is the art of letting go”

I’ve never been one to “welcome” change per say. I might go as far to say I avoid it sometimes, and I’m pretty sure it’s a control issue. Maybe it’s more accurate to say it’s a trust issue. Big change has always led to big growth for me. But the process is hard. And the not-knowing is harder.

One of my dearest friends was recently doing her best to talk me out of a panic attack, and she shared with me some words of wisdom. She said, “God can hit a moving target just as easily as one that’s standing still. It’s of course important to always be seeking the Lord’s will and listening for when He gives direction, but sometimes I think He calls us to take a step.”

“Place me in your hands tonight // As I fall down to my knees // While all the things I held so tight to // Sink to the bottom of the sea”

So, after a couple weeks of sporadic pity parties and late-night Craigslist searches, I took a step: I signed a lease for a new apartment — a one-bedroom apartment on top of an older house close to downtown Nashville. My first time living alone. I’ve already bought a new shower curtain for my claw-foot bathtub, so I think that means I’m committed.

It would be nice if finding a place to live answered all my nagging questions, (it doesn’t), but it’s a step, one I’m excited to take.

”So quiet my soul, and empty my hands // Put this tired heart to rest // I can feel the weight lift off my back // And the burden’s off my chest // This is the art of letting go”

I think letting go of control is just what the song says it is: an art. You can try to perfect it. You can think you’ve got it right. But creating something beautiful requires a lot of patience, a LOT of grace and quite a bit of risk.

I’m always simultaneously reading multiple books, (which is probably why it takes me entirely too long to finish one), and one of the books I’m borrowing right now is Just Do Something. In it, author Kevin DeYoung writes, “Too many young people today have no stability, no certainty, no predictability, little decisiveness, and lots of self-doubt… But I am advocating floundering less, making a difference for God sooner, and — above all — not spiritualizing, year after year, our inability to make decisions in the elusive quest to discover God’s will. I’m arguing that our eagerness to know God’s will is probably less indicative of a heart desperately wanting to obey God and more about our heads spinning with all the choices to be made.”

Been there. Maybe still am? But I’m working on it. This is “The Art Of Letting Go.”

By the way, I’m going to go back to the rules for my next blog post. I like those rules — more of a challenge. Besides, I think we’ve all had enough change for a little while, right?

**Special thanks to my sweet friend Kandee who gave me AJ’s EP as a Christmas gift. You should check out more of his music!